(By Dr. Thomas Gordon – from his book, Teaching Children Self-Discipline)
Many parents who have learned how to employ P.E.T. skills in their family life report that their children eventually acquire competence in the same skills, undoubtedly through modeling their parents’ behaviors.
Having experienced their parents’ listening to them, they learn to listen empathically. Having experienced their parents’ I-Messages, their communication is open, honest, and non-blameful. And, because they have been participants in many such sessions with their parents, they learn how to problem-solve with others and to resolve conflicts so that no one loses.
We have learned from P.E.T. parents—and often have seen firsthand—that their children develop many close and warm friendships; that friends bring their problems to them; that when they have conflicts with their friends they work them out amicably; that younger children love them, look up to them, and emulate them; that adults are drawn to their friendliness and sociability; that they do not exploit others, and characteristically are willing to pull their weight and do their share; and, as found in the Fels Institute studies, that these children gravitate into leadership positions in school and church organizations.
Because of these positive experiences, children from democratic families make friends and keep them, seldom experience loneliness and rejection, develop self-confidence and high self-esteem, and feel loved and often admired by others.
In short, a health-giving family life has provided them with the person-to-person skills that will bring them even more health-giving relationships and health-giving success experiences in their life outside the family.
Both from research findings and from case histories of families that have learned to function more democratically, we are beginning to understand the precise processes by which children in democratic families acquire high self-esteem, become responsible, develop confidence, learn to discipline themselves, and develop close friendships-that is, become healthier mentally, physically, and socially.
Find an online P.E.T. class here.