We’ve often said that there is more love in the world because of the Gordon Model. The skills of this model enable families to communicate in healthier, more respectful and loving ways. P.E.T. can create more opportunities for fun and closeness. P.E.T. families can have less strife and stress. P.E.T. families can have more…love!
In honor of Valentine’s Day, we’ve chosen three of our favorite quotes from Dr. Thomas Gordon on parenting and love.
We hope you enjoy them.
“When a person is able to feel and communicate genuine acceptance of another, he possesses a capacity for being a powerful helping agent for the other. His acceptance of the other, as he is, is an important factor in fostering a relationship in which the other person can grow, develop, make constructive changes, learn to solve problems, move in the direction of psychological health, become more productive and creative, and actualize his fullest potential.
It is one of those simple but beautiful paradoxes of life: When a person feels that he is truly accepted by another, as he is, then he is freed to move from there and to begin to think about how he wants to change, how he wants to grow, how he can become different, how he might become more of what he is capable of being.
Acceptance is like the fertile soil that permits a tiny seed to develop into the lovely flower it is capable of becoming. The soil only enables the seed to become the flower. It releases the capacity of the seed to grow, but the capacity is entirely within the seed. As with the seed, a child contains entirely within his organism the capacity to develop. Acceptance is like the soil—it merely enables the child to actualize his potential.” – Page 38, Parent Effectiveness Training
“Parents who consistently use Method III generally report a drastic reduction in hostility from their children. This is not surprising; when any two people agree on a solution, resentments and hostility are rare. In fact, when a parent and child ‘work through’ a conflict and arrive at a mutually satisfying solution, they often experience feelings of deep love and tenderness.” – Page 228, Parent Effectiveness Training
“When one listens empathically and accurately to another, he gets to understand that person, to appreciate his way of looking at the world—in a sense, he becomes that person during the period of putting himself in his shoes. Invariably, by allowing oneself to ‘get inside’ the other person, one produces feelings of closeness, caring and love.
To empathize with another is to see him as a separate person, yet be willing to join with him or be with him. It means ‘becoming a companion’ to him for a brief period in his journey through life. Such an act involves deep caring and love.
Parents who learn empathic Active Listening discover a new kind of appreciation and respect, a deeper feeling of caring; in turn, the child responds to the parent with similar feelings.” – Page 66, Parent Effectiveness Training
Wishing you more love and a very Happy Valentine’s Day!