“I’m gonna give you some feedback.”
“Oh yeah? Says who?”
One of the most difficult parts of working in a team or, for that matter almost any organization, is giving clear, constructive feedback, especially when it involves a performance problem. Organizational work teams of all sorts enjoy the added freedom, the opportunities to problem solve, take on more responsibility, be more innovative, have less supervision, and so on. But, when it comes to holding one another accountable, it becomes very difficult. Often team members are reluctant to confront unacceptable behavior because they do not want to appear to be “whiners” or the one who is rocking the boat, etc. They may fear retribution or embarrassment. So, they often say nothing or go to the “boss” and demand that she or he take care of it. But, feedback is an everyday responsibility of everyone in the work place, especially if you are a member of a team.
The kind of feedback typically discussed in leadership training is not the technical kind associated with thermostats or other self-regulating devices but the kind intended to influence human beings to change their behavior. Everyone gets feedback. You act and then something happens. You evaluate that outcome and that influences how you behave under similar circumstances in the future. This is one of the functions of our senses. We see something happen, hear a sound, feel something change, then adjust accordingly. This is just part of our normal goal seeking behavior. Feedback that helps us better meet organizational goals often comes from our peers in the form of messages: both verbal and nonverbal. We make a statement in a meeting and see our boss frown. We are late with an assignment and our supervisor scolds us. We ask to delay a schedule and our customer threatens to take his or her business elsewhere. We allow a team member to attend an important conference and she thanks us. All of these kinds of feedback occur naturally and often in the workplace. But, there is also the more deliberate kind of feedback that we receive during performance reviews, coaching sessions, and day-to-day reminders from our team leaders and peers about how to perform our jobs more effectively. These are opportunities where leadership training can make a big difference. Since in these situations we have the opportunity to think about what we want to say and how to say it, we also have a chance to improve our ability to use these moments constructively. Often, however, we don’t take advantage of these opportunities, delaying the feedback for a later time, sometimes even until the team member’s performance review. By then, it is often useless or even counterproductive.
We also tend to “shoot from the hip” when it comes to feedback
Without really thinking about how to phrase something, we often send messages that include a lot of non-factual stuff like judgments, opinions, speculation about motives and intentions, even stereotyping and name-calling. “You’re not a team player,” is not a very helpful piece of information. Or telling a team member that they are just the type who won’t follow through on the details, won’t motivate them to examine their actions and look for ways to improve. Telling someone that last year they didn’t put forth enough effort is just discouraging. These kinds of feedback statements are more likely to anger or embarrass people than they are to help them change their behaviors. It is also tempting to give feedback about values, things that we just don’t like rather than about actions that really impact the team’s ability to meet its goals. We have all made some (or all) of these kinds of mistakes. It is possible, however, to make big improvements on how effective our feedback can be. While there are many techniques that can be taught in leadership training to improve feedback, the following principles should be a part of it.
• Behavioral. Feedback should always be about a person’s behavior. Never about their motives, intentions, attitudes, opinions, or other thoughts. We can never know what goes on inside someone else’s head. Talk only about what you can see or hear. It is futile to give feedback about things that a person cannot change. We can all change our behaviors. We can choose to act in different ways. It is a more difficult (if not impossible) task to change the way we feel. If I tell someone that they did not respond to my last three e-mails, they can decide to answer my e-mails in the future. If, on the other hand, I say, “You don’t even care enough to respond to my e-mails,” they are faced with a much more complex and ambiguous task.
• Immediate. Feedback is most effective when given soon. If a behavior has interfered with a team goal, the sooner the team member has that information, the easier it is for them to respond effectively. The longer you wait, the more likely it is that they will have forgotten the incident, wonder why you waited so long, resent the message (They are more likely to suspect malice in your intent.), and dismiss it as unimportant (“If it has waited this long, it must not be that important”).
• Invited. Feedback is most potent when requested. If I am trying to work on a particular goal and ask you to give me feedback, then I am not likely to reject what you tell me or suspect your motives for anything you might say. On the other hand, if the message comes unsolicited, then I am much more likely to be wary of you. That is not to say you should never give unsolicited feedback but when you do, you should realize that is a much more fragile situation and more tact and skill is required.
• Normal. Feedback should be given frequently. If it is “saved up” for special occasions, like the performance review, then it takes on unwarranted significance. It should be habituated so that no one is surprised when it comes. It should be a standard part of every workday.
• Reciprocal. If you give it, you should be willing to take it. Ask for feedback regularly. Mean it. People know when you are just going through the motions. If you get only positive feedback from your team members, you are probably sending ambiguous nonverbal messages that make them reluctant to level with you. Ask specifically for feedback that will help you change behaviors. Tell your team members to focus on constructive changes in your behavior. If that doesn’t work, try some anonymous feedback. But, make absolutely sure that you act on the feedback and check with your team members to be certain that you are responding appropriately. There is little you can do that will make you look like a phoney faster than asking for feedback, then ignoring it.
• Goals. Organizational feedback should be focused on mutually agreed upon goals. If the team members have discussed and agreed on their mission and goals, then feedback about their behavior that is specifically related to those goals will be more readily accepted. If the feedback is more about some goal that is important only to you, it is a harder job. The team members are more likely to ask themselves, “What’s in it for me?”
• “I” language. Don’t speak for the whole team or the company. Speak for yourself. Talk about what you see and hear, how it effects your ability to perform your role as team leader, how you may be concerned or worried about it. Such I-messages are clearer, more honest, and less likely to provoke defensiveness. The minute you say, “Everybody thinks….,” or “some people around here….,” you have to be ready to defend that statement. You will be challenged to say who else thinks that and why didn’t they tell me themselves.
So, give feedback often, honestly, clearly, and directly. Learn how to talk about unacceptable behavior in constructive, non-judgmental ways. Solicit lots of feedback from your team members (leaders, customers, peers, vendors, etc.) and be ready to make adjustments in your own actions. There are few lessons learned in leadership training that will serve you better.