Ready? Excellent!
The following is from an actual conversation between parent and child.
Instructions: What you will need: paper and pen or tablet/phone with note-taking app. After the child’s statements, write down the letter (a, b, or c) of the parent’s response you believe most accurately reflects the feeling the child is experiencing.
Check your answers with the key at the end of this exercise — and hey — no cheating!
1. CHILD: I wish I could get a cold every once in a while — like Cameron. She’s so lucky.
PARENT:
A. YOU WISH YOU HAD MORE LUCK.
B. OH! DON’T WISH YOU WERE SICK!
C. WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?
2. CHILD: Yeah. She gets to stay home and take her classes online and I never do.
PARENT:
A. YOU WISH YOU COULD STAY OUT OF SCHOOL MORE TOO.
B. YOU SHOULD WANT TO BE IN SCHOOL.
C. YOU NEVER GET ANYTHING YOU WANT.
3. CHILD: Yeah, I do. I don’t like to go to school every day — day after day. I get sick of it.
PARENT:
A. BUT DON’T YOU REMEMBER HOW MUCH YOU HATED CLASS ONLINE?
B. YOU’LL GET BEHIND IF YOU START MISSING SCHOOL.
C. YOU REALLY GET TIRED OF SCHOOL SOMETIMES.
4. CHILD: Sometimes I just really hate it and…I almost miss the pandemic…
PARENT:
A. WHOA, WAIT A MINUTE! THAT’S CRAZY — HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT?!
B. IT’S MORE THAN NOT LIKING SCHOOL: SOMETIMES YOU HATE SCHOOL.
C. WELL, I’M SURE IT’S JUST A TEMPORARY FEELING.
5. CHILD: YES… I hate the homework, I hate the classes, and I hate the teachers.
PARENT:
A. YOU MUST HAVE GOTTEN AN “F” TODAY! WHAT HAPPENED?
B. YOU’LL NEVER LEARN WITH THAT BAD ATTITUDE.
C. RIGHT NOW, YOU JUST HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT SCHOOL.
6. CHILD: I don’t really hate all the teachers — just two of them. One of them I really can’t stand. She’s the worst.
PARENT:
A. MAYBE SHE DOESN’T LIKE YOU VERY MUCH EITHER. DID YOU THINK ABOUT THAT?
B. YOU REALLY HAVE TROUBLE WITH ONE OF THEM, HUH?
C. SHE COULDN’T BE AS BAD AS ALL THAT.
7. CHILD: It’s that stupid Mrs. Cruz. I just don’t like her. I got her for the whole year too!
PARENT:
A. YOU’RE UPSET THAT YOU’RE STUCK WITH HER FOR SUCH A LONG TIME.
B. MRS. CRUZ SEEMS LIKE SUCH A NICE WOMAN. I WISH YOU’D TRY TO LIKE HER.
C. MAYBE SHE HAS PROBLEMS AT HOME.
8. CHILD: I don’t know how I’ll ever stand it. You know what she does!? Every day we get a long lecture—she stands up there smiling like this (demonstrates) and tells us how a responsible student is supposed to behave, and she reads off all these things you have to do to get an “A” in her class. Blah, blah, blah…it’s so stupid.
PARENT:
A. YOU’D BETTER PAY ATTENTION — THAT’S WHAT YOU’RE THERE FOR.
B. YOU REALLY DON’T LIKE TO HEAR ALL THOSE RULES.
C. IF YOU WERE MORE RESPONSIBLE, YOU’D KNOW HOW IMPORTANT HER RULES ARE.
9. CHILD: She makes it seem impossible to get an “A” — unless you’re some kind of genius or a teacher’s pet.
PARENT:
A. YOU FEEL HOPELESS BEFORE YOU EVEN START, BECAUSE YOU DON’T THINK YOU CAN POSSIBLY GET AN “A”.
B. I’LL GIVE YOU $20 FOR EVERY “A” YOU GET — THAT OUGHT TO MOTIVATE YOU.
C. I HOPED YOU’D TRY HARDER THIS YEAR.
10. CHILD: I’m not going to be one of those teacher’s pets — the other kids hate them. I’m already not very popular. And I just don’t feel many of the girls like me. (tears)
PARENT:
A. YOU SURE DON’T WANT TO DO ANYTHING THAT WOULD MAKE THE OTHER KIDS NOT LIKE YOU.
B. YOU’D BETTER FORGET ABOUT THOSE GIRLS AND WORRY ABOUT YOUR GRADES.
C. WELL, IF YOU CRY ABOUT IT ALL THE TIME, NO WONDER! NOBODY LIKES A CRYBABY.
11. CHILD: There’s this group of girls that are the most popular ones in the school. I wish I could get in their group. But I don’t know how.
PARENT:
A. BE YOUR OWN PERSON. DON’T BE JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.
B. TREAT OTHERS AS YOU WOULD HAVE THEM TREAT YOU.
C. YOU REALLY WOULD LIKE TO HANG OUT WITH THESE GIRLS, BUT YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO DO IT.
12. CHILD: I don’t get how girls get into this group. They are not the prettiest ones, not all of them. Some in the group get good grades, but most of them get worse grades than me. I just don’t get it.
PARENT:
A. YOU’RE SORT OF CONFUSED ABOUT WHAT IT TAKES TO GET INTO THIS GROUP.
B. YOU’RE SUCH A BEAUTIFUL GIRL, THEY’RE PROBABLY AFRAID YOU’D STEAL THE SPOTLIGHT.
C. WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE, I DIDN’T WORRY SO MUCH — I JUST HAD FUN AND THINGS WENT FINE.
13. CHILD: Well, one thing is that the girls in the group are all pretty cool — they talk a lot and, you know, make friends. They say hello to you first and it’s easy for them to talk to someone. I can’t do that. I just feel stupid…
PARENT:
A. YOU THINK MAYBE BEING FRIENDLY AND SOCIAL IS WHAT THEY HAVE THAT YOU DON’T HAVE.
B. YOU’RE ALWAYS SO DOWN ON YOURSELF.
C. IF YOU’D PUT AS MUCH ENERGY INTO DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT AS YOU DO WORRYING, YOU MIGHT GET SOMEWHERE!
14. CHILD: I know I’m not good at talking. I can with one girl but not when there’s a whole bunch of girls. I just shut up. It’s hard for me to think of something to say.
PARENT:
A. TRY NOT TO BE SO SHY.
B. YOU FEEL OK WITH ONE GIRL BUT WITH A LOT OF GIRLS YOU FEEL DIFFERENT.
C. WHY DO YOU FEEL YOU HAVE TO SAY SOMETHING?
15. CHILD: Yes, I’m always afraid I’ll say something stupid or wrong. I just stand there and feel kind of left out…it’s super awkward…
PARENT:
A. BEING TOTALLY SILENT. THAT’S WHAT YOU FEEL SO BAD ABOUT.
B. YOUR SISTER SURE NEVER HAS TROUBLE TALKING — SHE HAS TONS OF FRIENDS!
C. MAYBE WE SHOULD TALK ABOUT SOMETHING MORE FUN.
16. CHILD: Yes! (and so on)
– End of quiz –
KEY:
1. A
2. A
3. C
4. B
5. C
6. B
7. A
8. B
9. A
10. A
11. C
12. A
13. A
14. B
15. A
In case you feel like you could use a little Active Listening refresher, here are some other resources for you:
Using Active Listening When Your Child is Upset
More Helpful Stuff for Better Active Listening
When to and When Not to Active Listen to Your Children