Toggle navigation Gordon Training International
  • Thomas Gordon
    • About Dr. Thomas Gordon
    • Origins of the Gordon Model
  • Workshops
    • L.E.T. Workshops (Online/In-Person)
    • P.E.T. Workshops (Online/In-Person)
  • What We Do
    • Leaders – L.E.T.
    • Parents – P.E.T.
    • Individuals – B.Y.B.
    • Teachers – T.E.T.
    • Kids – Y.E.T.
  • Who We Are
    • About Gordon Training
    • Gordon Training News
    • Gordon Training History
  • Blogs
    • Leadership Training Blog
    • Parent Training Blog
  • Contact Us
Leader Training at Gordon Training International

Welcome to Gordon Training International

GTI has been helping people all over the world
have better relationships at work, at home, and
in schools through the Gordon Model Skills.

We hope to help you, too!

Explore

Leader Training at Gordon Training International

Welcome to Gordon Training International

GTI has been helping people all over the world
have better relationships at work, at home, and
in schools through the Gordon Model Skills.

We hope to help you, too!

Explore

These I-Messages Can Be a Little Shifty

These I-Messages Can Be a Little Shifty

Date: June 8th, 2022 | BY Linda Adams

When you express your needs and opinions in I-Messages* and do get resistance, you will almost always defeat your purpose if you continue to repeat your self-disclosure. Reasserting your need or opinion in the face of resistance usually comes across as aggressive and insensitive. It puts others even more on the defensive and stiffens their negative reactions to what you are trying to communicate. confrontation i-message three parts

What they hear from you is: “This is what I want (or think), regardless of how you feel about it.” To increase the chances that the other person will hear your I-Message, you need to listen and acknowledge her or his upset feelings.

A willingness to be sensitive to the other’s feelings and concerns is what separates assertive from aggressive behavior. Even though you send a very clear I-Message, if you fail to take into account the other’s negative feelings, you are in effect saying: “I want to be heard or get my needs met no matter what!”

Therefore, as soon as you become aware of the other’s resistance, you should “shift gears.” After sending your I-Message you shift to listening to the other’s feelings; from initiating to responding. You now want to be sensitive to the other’s feelings.

You want to show concern for—and a genuine desire to understand the needs of—the other person. S/he now hears an attitude like this from you: “Here’s what I value. But I’m willing to stop and listen to you, because I value you and respect how you feel.”

This temporary shift to the other person’s concern sets up a conciliatory atmosphere. It communicates your sensitivity to (and interest in) her or him. It lets others know you’re not out to get your needs met at their expense. Shifting gears does not mean you abandon your needs or your convictions.

It does mean you recognize that dealing with the other’s resistance is an integral and indispensable step in getting your own needs met, that you value the other person and are interested in her or his feelings too. One shifting of gears (to listening) is often sufficient to help the other person vent her or his negative feelings. At other times you may find it necessary to shift back and forth from disclosing to listening several times.

*The I-Message was created by Dr. Thomas Gordon, author of several books, including L.E.T. and P.E.T.

Learn more about L.E.T.

  • Previous
  • Next
Location and Hours

531 Stevens Ave. West, Solana Beach, CA 92075 U.S.A.
Tel: 800-628-1197 or 858-481-8121 | Fax: 858-481-8125
Email: info@gordontraining.com
Please note our office hours:
Monday-Thursday (closed Fridays) 8:30 a.m.-5 p.m. (Pacific Time)

Leaders Newsletter

Got people problems at work? Enter your email below to receive effective, research-based communication, conflict-resolution and leadership tips each month.

Sign Up Now

Parents Newsletter

Need parenting advice? Enter your email below to receive effective, research-based parenting tips each month.

Sign Up Now

  • Contact Us
  • Who We Are
  • FAQs
  • Leadership Blog
  • Parenting Blog
  • Free Resources
  • Books

| Twitter Accounts

Gordon Training has 5 Twitter accounts. Please choose the account that's best for you.

  • Gordon Training Twitter
  • P.E.T. Twitter
  • L.E.T. Twitter
  • Y.E.T. Twitter
  • Be Your Best Twitter


Thank you!

Thanks for signing up!

Sign Up Now!

Sign up to get interesting news and updates about our programs, delivered straight to your inbox.

Leaders Newsletter
Parents Newsletter

By submitting this form, you are granting: Gordon Training International, 531 Stevens Avenue West, Solana Beach, California, 92075, United States, https://gordontraining.com permission to email you. You may unsubscribe via the link found at the bottom of every email. (See our Email Privacy Policy for details.) Emails are serviced by Constant Contact.


| Facebook Accounts

Gordon Training has 6 Facebook accounts. Please choose the account that's best for you.

  • Be Your Best Fan Page
  • Gordon Training Fan Page
  • L.E.T. Fan Page
  • P.E.T. Fan Page
  • T.E.T. Fan Page
  • Y.E.T. Fan Page


Thank you!

| LinkedIn Accounts

Gordon Training has 4 LinkedIn accounts. Please choose the account that's best for you.

  • LinkedIn
    • L.E.T.
    • Gordon Training
    • P.E.T.
    • LET Trainers and International Licensees


  • Thank you!

    | Pinterest Accounts

    Gordon Training has 5 Pinterest accounts. Please choose the account that's best for you.

    • Gordon Training


    Thank you!

    | Youtube Accounts

    Gordon Training has 5 Youtube accounts. Please choose the account that's best for you.

    • L.E.T. YouTube Channel
    • P.E.T. YouTube Channel


    Thank you!

    © 2021. Gordon Training International. All Rights Reserved.

    Search: