So here’s the thing.
I was feeling overwhelmed the other day, I’m planning a wedding, I’m covering for another person at work while she’s on vacation, and I’m expecting a slew of out of town friends and family. And I had promised myself I’d write a blog entry, part of my personal growth plan that came about after the leadership training I’d done last year. But like I said, I was overwhelmed, almost to the point of being catatonic. And definitely to the point of being flat-out cranky.
Those of you who know me or who’ve read my blogs know that I use my long commute to and from work to muddle through things. This was one of those times. I needed to figure out why I was procrastinating on writing this particular blog entry. Yes, I was planning a three-ring circus wedding with dancing Chihuahuas (not really, but it feels like that at times!); yes, I was managing all those family dynamics that bubble to the top when there are weddings; yes, I was working double-time at the office. But it was all doable. What wasn’t doable was blogging.
Twenty minutes in, it started to dawn on me. I didn’t want to blog about communication because I was doing a shoddy job of communicating. I was the ultimate hypocrite” – and I needed to own that.
At work, it’s a breeze for me to listen, confront, delegate, ask for help” – you get the picture. Folks think I’m awesome, and so easy to talk to. I know this because they’ve told me so. But at home, well, lately it’s been another story. Remember how I mentioned I was “cranky?” Yeah well, apparently, I’m that, and more.
Apparently, when I get home, I’ve been using the excuse of all my stress to shut down communication with my family, and my other half is bearing the full brunt of it. I don’t want to Active Listen to anyone because I’m tapped out. I don’t want to ask for help, I want to steamroll and boss to save time. I don’t want to be nice, because I’m CRANKY. You get the picture.
By the end of my commute home, I realized something: I blog about the communication skills and other things I learned in leadership training not because I’m an expert, but because I’m trying to make my relationships better, stronger, and closer – at work and most importantly, at home. So I have to be honest when I blog, and be honest when I’m not hitting the mark. And I also realized that I need to be easier on myself, because when I was, I was easier on others.
When I finally pulled into the driveway, I decided I’d retire Cranky Mode and pull those communication skills out again. Not using them just wasn’t fair to those I care most about in the world. And at the end of the day, THEY are the people I want to hear say, “You’re awesome, and so easy to talk to!”