Credo = “A statement of the beliefs or aims which guide someone’s actions.”
Dr. Gordon wrote his Credo in 1964. Each time I read it, it floors me. This is quite simply one of the most powerful, concise, brilliant ways of looking at all relationships–at home, work, school–anywhere. If you’re struggling with a relationship with your work-mate, boss, spouse, friend or family member, read the first line.
If you agree with it, then using the Gordon Model skills is worth your time, energy and practice. And it does take practice and patience to feel reasonably competent. But what doesn’t?
So, I give you the Credo by Dr. Gordon. May you carry it with you today and always as you navigate through life and all of the many relationships you have.
Merry and happy everything to you!
A CREDO FOR MY RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHERS
You and I are in a relationship which I value and want to keep. Yet each of us is a separate person with our own unique values and needs and the right to meet those needs.
So that we will better know and understand what each of us values and needs, let us always be open and honest in our communication.
When you are having problems meeting your needs, I will listen with genuine acceptance and understanding so as to facilitate your finding your own solutions instead of depending on mine. And I want you to be a listener for me when I need to find solutions to my problems.
At those times when your behavior interferes with what I must do to get my own needs met, I will tell you openly and honestly how your behavior affects me, trusting that you respect my needs and feelings enough to try to change the behavior that is unacceptable to me. Also, when some behavior of mine is unacceptable to you, I hope you will tell me openly and honestly so I can try to change my behavior.
And when we experience conflicts in our relationship, let us agree to resolve each conflict without either of us resorting to the use of power to win at the expense of the other’s losing. I respect your needs, but I also must respect my own. So let us always strive to search for a solution that will be acceptable to both of us. Your needs will be met, and so will mine—neither will lose, both will win.
In this way, you can continue to develop as a person through satisfying your needs, and so can I. Thus, ours can be a healthy relationship in which both of us can strive to become what we are capable of being. And we can continue to relate to each other with mutual respect, love and peace.
By Thomas Gordon
1964, 1978, Gordon Training International