People are conditioned almost from infancy to think of feelings as bad and dangerous— enemies of good human relationships. People grow up afraid of feelings—their own and those of others around them—largely because they have heard from adults in their lives many messages like these:
“Don’t ever let me hear you say you hate your baby brother.”
“You shouldn’t feel discouraged about what happened.”
“If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”
“Don’t feel bad about it—things will be better tomorrow.”
“There’s nothing at all to be afraid of.”
“Keep a stiff upper lip.”
“Swallow your pride.”
“Watch your tongue, young lady.”
Later, we encounter additional reinforcement of the strong ban against expressing feelings—in the world of work, where we are warned that feelings simply do not belong. Somehow feelings and emotions are perceived as the antithesis of the rationality and shallowness required in relationships we want in the workplace.
Leaving your worries at the doorstep and biting your tongue are the behaviors considered appropriate for people in organizations; people feel these behaviors will be valued and rewarded in the long run.
This pervasive and repressive group norm not only contributes heavily to poor psychological health; it is counter-productive to organizational effectiveness.
As everyone knows very well, working with people inevitably generates feelings—of all kinds—ranging from mild to strong: irritation, anger, frustration, disappointment, hurt, fear, futility, despair, hate, bitterness, discouragement.
While experiencing such feelings is not unhealthy, repressing them is.
Continually bottling up your feelings is very definitely ‘hazardous to your health,’ and can ultimately cause ulcers, headaches, heartburn, high blood pressure, spastic colon, or any number of other psychosomatic problems. Repressed feelings can also reduce your effectiveness by distracting you from your work.”
Learn how to create a truly healthy, productive, safe, respectful environment at work—it starts with better communication skills AND the desire to use them.