Crossing a Very Dangerous Line

Work with some people long enough and it’s only natural for friendships to form and flourish. It happens all the time – managers find themselves befriending employees who are respectful, loyal, friendly, and most importantly, fanatically productive. The manager is happy because he feels he has a reliable and loyal right-hand man, and the employee is happy because he feels a strong sense of security.

friendships cross line leadership trainingBut even the best of friendships can spontaneously combust, turning your friend into your biggest adversary who can make your life miserable and cost you your job if you cross one of the following lines:

1. Discussing the confidential matters of other employees, managers, or the company. This can really come back to bite you no matter how much you feel you can trust your office buddy. These secrets have a habit of slipping out of mouth purely by accident, and if the news is good enough (highly gossipable), your confidant will surely tell someone else “in confidence.” (Please read between the lines here) Ten minutes later, when everyone knows about “it,” the source (you) will be tracked down like an injured deer.

2. Sending off-color emails to your office buddy. Trust me, these rarely make it to the recipients little trashcan in Outlook. Remember that vulgar email you sent to your office friend three years ago that was supposedly so hilarious? Yep, he’s still got it, and so does his attorney because he’s filing suit against you, and your company for wrongful termination based on the discriminatory content of that email. That email is now called “Exhibit A.”

3. Getting suckered in. This may sound cynical, but the reason employees may be so friendly towards you is that they are counting on you, as their manager, to get approved for raises and promotions. If, and when the opportunities come and you don’t award them accordingly because they didn’t meet corporate expectations and because someone else is more deserving, watch how quickly that friendship fades away, which brings me to my next point…

4. Promoting someone based on your personal relationship with them or office politics. Even if it’s slightly obvious that you prefer one employee over the others, you need to be very careful about who does, and who does not get awarded a promotion. Employees can pick up on the slightest scent of office friendships and will waste no time criticizing you, and your friend who received the promotion.

5. Lie, fib, or cover up for anyone. If you never lie, you’ll never need to remember what you said.

6. Say things you’ll regret. In the heat of an argument, some people have a habit of using strong language just to make a point, and worse, the argument may turn personal. There’s no reason conflict should ever reach such an altitude of emotional hijacking. Conflict Resolution is one of the most important skills leaders must practice consistently – it ensures that problems are diffused at the very first indication of a problem instead if waiting for problems to cure themselves, which they never do.

Someone will always be looking to you as an example of how to act. Make sure you don’t let them down. And all too often, office friendships are only as good as the health of the professional relationships between a manager and his employee.

 

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