Have you ever found that after you explain your problem to someone, they get really defensive? If you hit the rewind button, you’ll probably notice that you started your statement with a “You Message”. For example: “It really upsets me when you show up to work late everyday….” This is called a You Message because the blame is placed on the other person (“You did this…It’s your fault…”), even though it is you that owns the problem. Bill Stinnett, Ph.D (L.E.T. Master Trainer) explains that the natural reaction of most people when they feel they are being blamed is to get angry and defensive. Effective leadership training focuses on how to communicate your message while minimizing the emotional charge.