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Parenting Program Comparison:
How does the Gordon Model differ from other parenting programs?
To help answer this frequently asked question, we prepared an analysis
that compares our parenting model with other programs.
There are four basic types of parent programs which compete with P.E.T.:
- Programs based upon the theories of Rudolph Dreikurs and Alfred Adler - e.g., S.T.E.P., Positive Parenting, Active Parenting.
- Programs based upon behavior modification principles--that is, the use of rewards and punishments - e.g., Positive Parenting Program (Triple P), Responsive Parenting Program.
- Programs not having any particular theoretical foundations, but using the Bible as their source of authority - e.g., James Dobsons’s Dare to Discipline books and videos.
- Programs based upon the writings of the late Dr. Haim Ginott - e.g., How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk.
The first three of the above mentioned Alderian programs (A) “borrowed” Active Listening (employing different terms), I-messages and problem-solving steps.
The Haim-Ginott-based program is heavy on Active Listening and confrontation, but somewhat weak on problem-solving.
Behavior modification programs do not teach listening, I-messages or problem-solving. Their approach follows the Skinnerian model rather closely--reward to reinforce good behavior, and punish (employ “aversive stimuli”) to eliminate unwanted behavior.
All four types of programs maintain that kids “misbehave,” a term that puts the blame on the child. P.E.T. alone teaches that kids do not misbehave; their behavior is simply an attempt to get their needs met. To the child his/her behavior is constructive (good for the child), whereas to the parent the behavior is felt and labeled “bad” because it interferes with the parent getting some needs met.
Both B and C type programs openly advocate punishment. A and D type programs also advocate punishment, but don’t do it openly. Instead they employ terms such as “logical consequences”, “time-out” and “planned ignoring” which are actions of the parent to make sure “misbehavior” is punished by unpleasant or painful effects.
P.E.T. is the only program that takes a position against all kinds of punishment (physical or otherwise), as well as a position against using rewards to control children.
A, B and C types of programs put the parent in the role of having authority over the child and advocate using it. D type programs avoid the whole issue of authority.
Only P.E.T. advocates a non-authoritarian (or equalitarian) relationship with children. The Bible-based programs are the strongest in telling parents to be the boss. Most of them, however, try to sweeten this up by using euphemisms--such as, “parental leadership,” “loving authority,” “God-given authority” or “punish with love.”
P.E.T. is the only program that advocates that rules and limits should not be imposed on kids by parents, but instead should be arrived at with the full participation of the children. All other programs tell parents to make and enforce the rules and set the limits, again using such euphemisms as: rules and limits should be “firm but fair,” enforcement should be consistent.
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